Bite Is BULL

Oh my, that shit made me wanna cry. Advertised as the best thing going down on a Monday night my hopes we’re high and there was a spring in my step. Rolling up in the place however I realised that actually, the only thing “going down” would be the toilet attendants on my pissed up girlfriend.

What Went Wrong

With a “ready?” and a nod to wife we flung open the double doors and strutted our way into the place. Dead. Desolate. Empty

I say empty but what I really mean is it was empty apart from the one SNE1 lookin Chinese girl epileptic fitting her way through the wack song that was being played. Didn’t know whether to whip out my camera and start recording or call an ambulance. Anyway, back to the venue - to sum it up in one word the place was grotty. I honestly thought I was in Snapes bedroom. Grey on the walls, grey on the floors, grey DJ booth, grey toilets, grey, grey, grey. You haven’t seen anything so dungeon looking in your life, well maybe if you’re a Fritzle fam- (oh no he didn’t…)

Give it a chance I thought, it’ll pick up. One drink. Two drinks. Three drinks. BOOM! The place was finally full. Full of weirdo’s but never the less it was full. Mincing over to the dancefloor however we became more and more aware of the music. Aaaah the music. The music was shit! I’d love to comment more but by this time, some big ting in a polkerdot dress had tried it on and I’d taken myself to the happy place in my head. Maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe I went on the wrong night and all the fun looking hipsters that normally grace it’s Facebooks pictures we’re at home knitting new cardigans? I’ll never know though because I wont be going again.

The Solution :

1) Splash a lil colour on the walls

2) Market the night correctly so it’s not overrun with a collection of badmen/hipsters/cunts/cute indie kids.

3) Get. A. Better. DJ!!

I leave you with the best thing about the night: the picture(s). Props to the photographer for making a kiddi dungeon look like an awesome night on the town